Well. I fucking love it.
Let me add context here - I shaved my hair because I truly wanted to go 'against the grain'. Everywhere I look all I see is 'Victoria's Secret' hair styles, and I'm starting to think young women are becoming more and more uniform and conforming in their identities. I wanted to go against this trend, and without knowledge or care of what is fashionable - I took to hacking my hair off.
And really what the fuck was I thinking by not wanting to look like every other woman on the face of the earth!? I guess if I don’t resemble a Playboy-esque sperm receptacle then I MUST BE A FUCKING DYKE!! HELLO!
Let me break down the analysis of how I went from being a girl who is often whistled at, to a girl who is a fucking dyke. And let me explain why 1. I'd prefer to be called a dyke than whistled at, and 2. why all of this comes down to male power over women.
Not long ago my hair was longer, etc, and I often received random flattering remarks. But those compliments always left me feeling weird, clearly I was a ‘thing’ they’d like to fuck, not an actual human being of true value. I can't count the amount of times a random guy has taken it upon himself to come and speak to me and make remarks about my appearance..
WHY do guys feel they have the adjudication over female appearances? WHY do guys feel that I care what their opinion is? WHY do guys think they have the agency to share their opinions on my looks with me? WHY do I not have the agency to tell them to fuck off??? Every remark about my appearance only ever made me feel like a 'thing', and undermined my intelligence and nature. BUT rest assured, if I did not respond politely to a male posturing his power over my appearance, I would swiftly be called a bitch - as has often been the case. GREAT STUFF!
Usually after a guy complimenting my looks they would go on to offer further compliments over their shock that I was articulate, that I was polite, or that I was well-educated... Obviously in each of these circumstances it was heartening to know that a guy had approached me with the assumptions that I was: 1. Hoping to sexually appeal him 2. Wanting his opinion on my sexual appeal, 3. Dumb, 4. Inarticulate, 5. Rude.
With all those assumptions covered I think its safe to say that every guy who approached me was doing so with the notion that I was merely a dumb, voiceless, piece of ass, and not a worthwhile human being except possibly for sex.
Well I didn’t want to be a ‘thing’ so I guess shaving my hair did the trick.
I realise many people expect women to conform- to be sexually provocative 'glamour', and not have power to define their own body any other way. This guy was SO threatened that he had to try attack my sexuality (!?)
Let me break down the process of reclaiming my power:
1. Guy expects women to be sexually appealing to him
2. Guy expects women to value his opinion on sexual appeal
3. Guy expects he has the power to adjudicate over defining woman's sexual appeal
4. Gal (me) decided to undermine that power - going against normative 'sexual appeal' of 'sexy hair'
5. Guy is threatened that a woman would dare undermine his power to see women as sexual objects
6. Guy needs to attack the gal as homosexual, as the only way to explain why she dare not sexually appeal to him.
Fail. Not insulted. Flattered. Thank you ‘fucking dyke’ guy, I’m so glad my body does not resemble a soulless hetero fuck toy. For the first time a random comment has left me feeling empowered about choosing the way I look for myself and not for others. Winninnngggg!
I'm interested to hear other peoples experiences with changing their appearance for their own purposes and against the 'norm'... Did it suddenly become apparent to you just how much focus is on a woman conforming to 'sex appeal'?? Do you see guys ever getting the same pressure?
Let me know on twitter @lauragene01 or in the comments below!! :)
May I take this opportunity to mention Margaret Cho -
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